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I must admit sex ed at school was either really crap or taught at an age when things were not really absorbed. But honestly I think it was really crap.
Year 5/6 focused on sex being a penis entering a vagina, making babies and periods.
High school was even worse! It was 'funny' cartoons, like the poor boy on the diving board at the pool all of a sudden getting a 'stiffy'...and condoms on a banana. I think there was too much focus on 'how do we not create teen pregnacies'.
After this it was teach yourself and 'lets just wing it!' Pretty sad itsn't it.
Unless you want to do a Bachelor in Psychology so you can enter a Master in Sexology your on your own.
Exactly how it shouldnt be. We see high divorce rates and wonder why? Or the belief 'couples' dont try like the old days.
This page offers some basics that consultants may cover in party nights.
The 101 !
Why are there so many lubricants?
The main point is to understand the difference between water based lub and silicone lub.
Waterbased lub is your basic and I recommend if your only going to have one in your kit ensure its waterbased.
Waterbased lub is your safe option for condoms/toys. If have too many toys (nothing wrong with that) in your kit and forget which one is made of which material, stick with waterbased.
The reason: Silicone lub on silicone toys will over time ruin the silicone product. They dont match!
Silicone lub may also stain your sheets or take a bit to wash off!
But the bonus of a silicone lub is it lasts longer (if you want to go on and on smoothly) and is best for water play.
Another good choice is a flavoured lub (if it tastes decent). They can be used the same way as your basic lub and offer an opportunity of encouraging foreplay such as oral sex / 69. There's dessert sorted!
Erogenous Zones
Warning! Our male pic is a joke, although some days I do wonder.
Erogenous zones have heightened sensitivity, which may generate relaxation, sexual arousal and orgasm.
What may have worked on one partner may not on the next. Which is probably the biggest point, we are all different, we do have different tastes and what may have worked one day may not the next. We can be complicated like that! The bonus, you couldnt get bored :)
Some obvious ones:
Penis, testicles, perineum (between scrotum and anus), vagina, anal, breasts.
But be warned this doesnt mean your partner likes the obvious.
If your partner has given birth or breastfeeding, breast zone may now be a 'F off" spot!
Though our bodies have many other spots not to underestimate as pictured.
These zones can cause arousal if massaged, kissed or fondled. Mix it up and test it out.
Masturbation is sexual stimulation of your own genitals that may involve hands, fingers, everyday objects or toys.
Mutual masturbation (between partners) may be used as foreplay, an alternative to sexual penetration or lead to intercourse.
It maybe in the presence of each other but not touching, one person touching the other and the other person may do the same after. Benefits may include increase fertility during intercourse. (A 2009 Australian study found daily ejaculation to be an important factor in sperm health and motility). Masturbation flushes out the old sperm with the next ejaculate containing more fresh sperm.
Female masturbation may provide protection against cervical infections by increasing the acidity of the cervical mucus and by moving debris out of the cervix. If more than one male has intercourse with a female, the sperm with the highest motility will compete more effectively. Sex therapists sometimes recommend females take time to masturbate to orgasm, to help improve sexual health, to help determine what is erotically pleasing, and because mutual masturbation can and add intimacy. By watching a partner masturbate, one finds out the methods they use to please him or herself, allowing each partner to learn exactly how the other enjoys being touched. In 2003, an Australian research team led by Graham Giles of The Cancer Council Australia found that males masturbating frequently had a lower probability to develop prostate cancer.
Oral Sex involves stimulating another person by using your mouth (lips teeth, tongue) or throat
Cunnilingus is performed on a female, while fellatio is performed on a male. Anilingus is oral stimulation of a person's anus.
Just like masturbation oral sex may be performed as foreplay before other sexual activities, or as an intimate erotic act on its own. Some people may have negative feelings about giving or receiving oral sex and may flatly refuse to engage in the practice.
Having a shower before the act may assist, as well as flavoured condoms / lubricant. However you should never force your partner to do something they do not feel comfortable with. There are many numbing creams/gels on the market, personally we do not believe in these products given the danger that could occur.
The main point for women is watch those teeth as a males penis is highly sensative, although some slight pain may also be arousing.
To ofer more enjoyment it may be combined with hands or toys. A small bullet is a great toy for either gender in arousing these areas.
The P Spot! (Prostate)
The prostate takes part of the cycle essential for ejaculation. Due to its proximity to the anterior rectal wall, it can be stimulated from the anterior wall or externally via the perineum.
Prostate massage is used for sexual stimulation often reaching orgasm. The prostate is sometimes referred to as the "male G-spot". Some men can achieve orgasm solely through stimulation of the prostate gland and describe the sensation similar to females' accounts of G-spot stimulation. Prostate stimulation can produce stronger and more powerful orgasms than solely penis stimulation.
The G Spot!
Its an area on the front wall of the vagina, about 1 to 2 inches inside and said to increase in size with stimulation.
Its described as feeling a bit like a walnut.
When not aroused it is said to be as small as a pea
Women are different. For some it can bring on a major orgasm, for others it can make them feel like they need to pee.
Some believe massaging this area can lead to multiple orgasms but this can also be achieved through clitorial stimulation.
Female Ejaculation
Fluid shoots out of the vulva / vagina at the moment of orgasm.
This does not mean all women will ejaculate, so men dont be worried if your partner doesnt because the reality is that regular ejaculation isn't all that common. Some women do it once in a lifetime, but never again. There may only be a minority of women who do ejaculate regularly. Some women may ejaculate from masturbation or oral sex only.
When a woman first discovers shes soaked the sheets she may feel anxious and embarrassed. And because most women initially think the fluid is urine, they may assume what they are doing is 'dirty' or 'nasty'.
Women dont be embarrassed by the fact you soaked the sheets. Beverley Whipple, American sex guru and co-author of the original G-spot book states the amount of fluid secreted is usually around 'half a coffee cupful'.
If it is something you are aiming for or know can occur regularly, you may consider playing in the shower or purchasing special sheets made for 'wet play' such as lub and massage oil.
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Geisha Balls/ Ben Wa Balls (kegal excercises).
At Pink we call them Geisha Balls.
They are small balls with weights to massage your vaginal walls which may lead to sexual arousal (think Fifty Shades) as well as improve vaginal muscle tone. They increase the strength and tone of your pelvic floor muscles (this does not mean they will tighten your vagina), which improves sexual performance.
They can increase vaginal elasticity and help with bladder control such as urinary incontinence from coughing, laughing or sneezing.
Ease into it by working up to five minutes, then ten. Ten would be plenty if doing active kegel excercies. Go longer if wearing them during housework. Main point is everybodys body is different and clean thoroughly.
A cockring does what?
A cockring has a purpose: to slow the blood flow, thus maintaining an erection for a much longer period of time.
Cockrings can be worn around just the penis or both the penis and scrotum.
It can be used for reasons such as erectile dysfunction or recreational: just cause you want to last longer!
It is suggested not to use for longer then 30 minutes.
You may also want to trim up your hair and use lub to make pack up time easier.
Cockrings can also come in a vibrating form. This then offers an affordable couple toy option and pleasuring both partners.
Anal Sex.
Anal sex may include fingering, using sex toys, and oral sex, although the most common meaning is penile-anal penetration.
It may occur in both homosexual and heterosexual relationships.
People may experience pleasure from anal sex by stimulation of the anal nerve endings, and orgasm may be achieved through anal penetration. However some people may find anal sex painful.
Anal sex is considered a high-risk sexual practice because of the vulnerability of the anus and rectum. The tissues are delicate and do not provide natural lubrication, so lub is a must!
People often express strong views towards anal sex. They may consider it taboo or unnatural, while others may consider anal sex as a natural and valid form of sexual activity.
While some women find being a receptive partner during anal intercourse painful or uncomfortable, or only engage in the act to please a male sexual partner, other women find the activity pleasurable or prefer it to vaginal intercourse.
The anal sphincters are usually tighter than the pelvic muscles of the vagina, which can enhance the sexual pleasure for the male. Some men may also enjoy the penetrative role during anal sex because of its association with dominance.
Warnings About Anal Sex
Anal sex lacking lubrication or excessive force can lead to hemorrhoids, anal fissures, rectal prolapse and other problems.
It is important not to force the passive partner in any way.
Use a condom. Never go from anus to mouth, or anus to vagina, without changing condoms in between.
Relax and go slow. Encourage the receiving partner to communicate his or her feelings aloud. Start with external stimulation from something small, like a finger or a small vibrating toy. If it doesn't feel good stop or do something different. When you are both ready to move on to something larger, slow down and proceed with caution. Allow the receptive partner to set the depth and pace. Keep communicating. Don't neglect stimulation of other parts of the body. Clitoral or penis stimulation combined with anal play can be quite exciting. Stop immediately if there is discomfort or if either partner says he or she wants to stop. This should be an enjoyable experience. If it is not, stop!
All of the above!
If you think of all the above, you have a list of ideas for starting:
Erogenous zones: Massage, fondle or kiss
Masturbation of yourself or each other
Oral Sex which can begin from kissing 'zones' and fondling P / G Spot.
Lub is great for helping ensure a safe/smooth play with a cockring being a great little starter couples toy.